Sometimes
it's not even about people, but myself.
I have moments of panic as each birthday approaches or I see
a post about someone who has achieved something and my heart just drops!
I mean, here I am, a young vibrant and beautiful young lady
who has been blessed with truckloads of talent and potential, yet I feel
stuck!
I have a lot of things that I want to venture in, but for
some reason I can't seem to figure out where to start. I have a paralysing fear
of starting something and only have it fail.
I have a great support system in place, beautiful people in
my life who believe in me and obviously a handful of those who would kill to
see me amount to nothing.
I am incomplete. Things never seem to go my way, or if they
do they don't last. Now do you see how easy it is for me to see myself as the
weak link causing the dominos to fall right in front of me?
Everything is tied to something, good or bad all the past
events in my life have lead me to this point. I have been through so much in
terms of love (or the lack of), family, friends and career. But don't get me
wrong, I am not a victim, I am way too proud to be known as such.
I have fallen prey to so many men and their empty promises. I’ve
been addicted to so many things that felt good in the moment and gave me some
temporary satisfaction.
Why can’t I be the main girl in someone's life, why
can’t I be the favourite grandchild? Why do I find out about trips on Facebook
after the pictures have been uploaded?
Do you think I enjoy being the friend who always needs to be
edited into someone's budget? Do you think I like not being able to buy my mom
and grandmother a mother’s day present or the older sister who cannot afford to
take her siblings out for a movie and ice-cream????????
Honestly I think my problems started when I created
soul ties with emotionally unavailable men.
A soul tie is like a linkage in the soul realm between two
people. It links their souls together, which can bring forth beneficial
results and negative results, But in my case it is negative. Soul ties
formed from sex outside of marriage causes a person to become
defiled. This is why it is so common for a person to still have 'feelings'
towards an ex-lover that they have no right to be attracted to in that way.
Four Indicators of Wrong Soul Ties
1. “I feel so confused.”
2. “I'm just miserable.”
3. “My mind is tormented.”
4. “I didn't mean to disobey God…on purpose.”
If you feel like you have been dealing with a situation for far too long and
nothing seems to help you get beyond it, remember this phrase: God will not
advance your instructions beyond your last act of disobedience.
"Queen, you have Great Work to do. You have an
assignment and you have people assigned to you. But until you commit to
yourself, you cannot commit to them. Until you begin to focus on your own
development, you can’t begin to do your Great Work in the world. “The Queen Code
I am old enough to know right from wrong, but I am just so
sick and tired of doing what is right more so when it hasn't gotten
me anywhere near where I want to be. I can’t seem to get a good man being
myself so what must I do?? Be someone else and introduce the real me after the
walk down the aisle?
Should I ignore my friends till I get a better job to afford
to make payment to hang out with them?
Should I go as far as not visiting my grandparents till I
have saved up enough money to renovate their kitchen? Tell me, someone,
ANY DAM ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please just tell me what to do, because I have knelt
down before my father God and pleaded that he answers my prayers. Its either I
am to messed up to hear his responses or he himself has given upon me. For pits
sake even I am at the brink of giving up on me!
But you know what?? I won’t do it, I refuse to give up.
So what if all the men in my life did
not deem me worthy of sticking around for?
So what if the love I get is conditioned? HEK, so what if
the only thing i have is my love for tobacco, music, fashion
and writing. It's better than nothing.
My life could be worse, I could be living under a bridge
with mouldy bread to fill my empty soul and a skin infection to cloth me from
the cold.
Now, with that said,
Dear God if you hear me, please help me
help myself and those around me. Show me a way to make proper use of the
talents and opportunities you have given me. I may get lost, I
might want to give up, but please put people in my life who will grab
me by my weave and put me in the right direction. May I walk in your
righteousness for righteousness is not my own, and forgive me if
this prayer sounds the same to the last one I sent you. I am just impatiently
awaiting your response
AMEN!
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