Unanswered Question

   

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here is a magnitude of things that one needs in order to efficiently function under the category of “happy”. The basics are food, water, shelter, clothing and security, stated as Physiological needs and Security needs in Maslow’s Hierarchy.

I to need those things, but not as much as I need Love and belonging. According to Maslow, humans need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance among their social groups, regardless whether these groups are large or small.Some examples of small social connections include family members, intimate partners, and confidants. Humans need to love and be loved – both sexually and non-sexually – by others.

Many people become susceptible to loneliness, social anxiety, and clinical depression in the absence of this love or belonging element. I have some what experienced it enough to know that I do not want to go on about my life without love from a significant other. This need for belonging may overcome the physiological and security needs. I honestly believe that with love in my life I can be one of the few to reach Self-actualization and further more Self-transcendence.

“The self only finds its actualization in giving itself to some higher goal outside oneself, in altruism and spirituality”- Maslow

See, now I've come to learn the hard way from many broken relationships and friendships that leaning on my own understanding will only get me so far, if not killed. I have only recently started casting my burdens unto the Lord, I cannot say for a fact that it is working but I do know that my heart is safest when it is held in his palms.

Proverbs 28:26 says that He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered.

Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

I take it that from the heartache I've suffered from the hard hands and lying hearts of man that eventually resulted in flooded streams of tears from my eyes that I have been a fool to trust in my heart and the heart of another. I too am to blame as I should have known better than to trust anyone either than God with my precious possession.

Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart”.

That Psalm 37:4 is not going to be easy, as the Lord himself knows how patiently impatient I am, more so when matters of the heart are concerned.

I am 22 years old and sometimes I bully myself into thinking how young I am to even think of committing myself at this age, but FUCK IT!

I am old enough to work, pay rent, sign contracts, watch X-rated movies and a moer load of other things. So yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am capable of being in a grown up relationship.

But I don’t want to be in a relationship with just anyone. There is one person in particular I would love to have and to hold, but his too messed up to see how good I can be for him. I think we grow up thinking the only love that counts as true love is the kind that lasts forever or is fully realized. When you have a broken heart, the first thing a stranger will ask is ‘how long were you two together?’ As if your pain can be determined by how long you were with someone. Or if you were with them at all. I don’t think that’s how it works, because I knew him for four months and heartbreak was equivalent to a four year relationship.

“Love does not obey our expectations; it obeys our intentions.” ~Lloyd Strom

To say that love hasn’t obeyed my expectations would be the understatement of the century.

I have not been lucky in love. I’ve been blessed with some amazing moments over the years, but somehow have managed to choose partners who did not want what I wanted, did not feel what I felt, and did not want to walk beside me into a future together.

This time I fell in love with a person before fully gotten to know them. By this point it’s too late, I’ve already stretched my heart for someone capable of bruising it. This is what love requires: utmost vulnerability and trust. Hopes and expectations rise along with the awareness that it can slip away, but damn me for holding onto him with a closed fist.

so the question that lingers in my head is "how much longer till i find a man who will love me till eternity?"